Should You Send Your Kid to a 4-Year College? My Honest Experience as a Parent - 4-year college degree

As a parent, I’ve never believed in telling my kids exactly what to do with their lives. My parenting style is about listening — hearing their thoughts, ideas, and dreams — not forcing them into one path over another. I don’t believe in “wrong choices” as long as they stay true to themselves. When you trust your children and listen without judgment, you help them hear their own inner voice.

My Older Daughter’s Journey: Choosing a 4-Year Degree

When my older daughter graduated from high school, she decided she wanted a 4-year college experience — far enough from home to feel independent, yet still close enough to drive back. She also understood our financial limits. I couldn’t afford the entire cost, but I was willing to help while my husband covered household expenses. So, she chose the school that offered the largest scholarship — Oregon State University.

Even though it meant paying out-of-state tuition, she received a $10,000 scholarship per year. Since Oregon’s cost of living was lower than California’s, it ended up being comparable to staying in-state.

She also received $5,000 in FAFSA loans per year and an interest-free loan from the Hebrew Free Loan Association (check eligibility online). She majored in Media Communications, combining her love for journalism and film. Even though OSU is known for engineering, she found her space — becoming a university radio DJ and launching a popular podcast.

My Younger Daughter: Following a Similar Path

My younger daughter also wanted the college life experience. I thought she would have chosen to save money by attending community college for two years, but perhaps inspired by her sister, she chose to go straight to a 4-year program. She picked Arizona State University, where she earned a $10,000 merit scholarship and is now completing a Psychology degree with a Fashion minor.

The Reality: The Cost of College

Even with scholarships and about $20,000 per year in parental support, each of my daughters will graduate with around $60,000 in student loans. My older daughter graduated three years ago and sometimes questions whether it was worth it — especially since the pandemic forced her to study from home for almost half her college years.

Still, she gained valuable life experience — independence, resilience, and the ability to make important decisions early. Those are things no classroom can replace.

Was It Worth It?

Overall, I believe the 4-year college experience was worth it for my daughters. But it’s not for everyone. My girls are naturally independent — just like my husband and I were — and that personality trait made 4-year college a good fit for them. If you’re a parent facing this decision, listen closely to your child’s aspirations, even if they sound unrealistic. Ask open-ended questions, help them clarify their dreams, and let them own their choices. That’s how they learn accountability and confidence.

The Financial Dilemma

If your family’s income is low, some universities may cover most of the tuition after reviewing your tax return. Unfortunately, we fell into the “worst bracket” — not poor enough to qualify for major financial aid, and not wealthy enough to pay in full.

Interestingly, my older daughter recently traveled through nine countries and noticed that most offer free or low-cost higher education. She now questions whether the U.S. college system is fair — or if it’s partly a scam. While she doesn’t regret her rich college experiences, she admits that college didn’t fully prepare her for today’s job market.

The family ties

In many other countries, children remain at home while attending college, influencing family ties and dynamics. I was born in a country where we stayed home until we became financially independent or got married. I had cousins who lived with their parents until they were 40! Personally, I left home young, two years before my graduation, which is quite early for my country. However, having the option to stay home until financially stable not only saves on loans, allowing children to start with fewer or no debts, but also strengthens family ties. I noticed that my kids had to learn to cook, manage a household, and handle bills much earlier in life compared to kids in my country.

If the family dynamic at home is healthy and supportive, staying home during college can be beneficial. However, if the environment is abusive or silently neurotic, it is better to have the option to leave home soon after high school graduation. It often depends on the luck of where you are born and the nature of your family dynamics.

4 year college degree

Trade Schools vs. 4-Year Colleges

Many young adults today are choosing trade schools or alternative education paths, and I understand why. Trade schools can save time and money, leading to solid careers.

However, I still believe that universities offer something special: critical thinking, exposure to diverse ideas, and personal growth.

That said, I’ve noticed a troubling shift in some institutions — a move away from open-minded education toward political bias. If your child plans to attend a 4-year college, consider avoiding the most expensive or ideologically driven schools and focus on those that promote true intellectual balance.

Final Thoughts

Whether your child chooses college, trade school, or another path entirely, the key is to help them make that decision consciously — with financial awareness, emotional readiness, and a strong sense of self.

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but there’s always room for honest family conversation.

💬 Drop a comment below: Would you send your child to a 4-year college? Or do you believe trade schools and alternative paths are the future?